I found one of my friends blogs yesterday. She's a fellow army wife lives just down the street from me. So I was reading through her past blogs, and I came across one that talks about how hard a deployment is on the families of the soldiers. And I realized, I talk about my kids, my pets, how my father in law drives me insane, but I never really talk about what it's like to be the wife of a United States Army Soldier. So thanks for todays post inspiration.
The number one hardest thing on any military family is deployments. But I'm not here to talk about how hard it is on other military families, just mine. When Tom first joined the army, we were still living in North Carolina. He had basic training for 9 weeks, then he had AIT for four months. When he first joined, he was only reserves. After A.I.T, he came home and started to look for a job. Was very difficult when after only a month home, they decided to send him away for a month for something, I forgot what it was. When he came back, he still couldnt find a job, so I BEGGED him to go active duty full time. My brother in law was a recruiter so he was able to help us. After Tom signed the papers, he was stationed in Ft. Drum, NY. So he went first, the plan was for us to follow a few weeks later. But that fell through and I ended up staying with my parents for 2 or 3 months.
That time apart wasn't too bad, I had my parents there to help me. When I finally got to NY to reunite with my husband, I felt "well that was easy, I can handle a year long deployment." HA! I was wrong. About a year after we got here, he was deployed to Iraq. On our 6th wedding anniversary, Lana's 5th birthday was the day after. That was hard enough but I thought I was prepared after all that time apart. I was in for the shock of my life.
My marriage was never extremly strong, so I wasn't prepared for how much I actually missed him. The first month he was gone, I'd cry myself to sleep at night, wake up in the morning with tear stained eyes. All the while trying not to let the kids see me fall apart because they missed they're daddy too. I'd hear our wedding song and fall apart, and forget about Toby Keith's "American Soldier". The first line of that song still brings tears to my eyes. "I'm just tryin to be a father, raise a daughter and a son. Be a lover to their mother, everything to everyone." I felt like Toby Keith was in my head when he wrote that. I remember one day calling my mother hysterical in tears "Mom, I can't do this I need him here." My mother was absolutly amazing during that time. She'd laugh with me, cry with me. And I can't imagine it was very easy for her. Having her only daughter, her baby, so far away in so much pain. And of course, as I mentioned in a previous blog, I completly shut down.
I didn't even celebrate Christmas that year, I just didn't have it in me. I didn't get a tree, didn't decorate. Christmas dinner for me and my kids was at a local diner. The food sucked but it was the only place open that day. I was jealous of all the families that had they're spouses home that year. I was very angry. Luckily, with Tom's job I was able to talk to him every day, but it didn't help much. With the time difference he had to go to bed much earlier than me.
But, he came home. And when he did, just as my friend said, I felt like I had the life breathed back into me. Which at the time, I didn't understand. See, a couple weeks before he came home, he told me he wanted a divorce. We had been fighting for a while, and the Dss thing didn't help matters at all. I guess he felt he just didn't have it in him to fight anymore. At the time he told me I'll never forget his words "I'm emotionally detached, in my mind I'm single". Thank god for my mom and one of my best friends Sue during that time. I can remember one night, sitting on the floor, hystericall, unable to pick myself up, calling Sue on Skype and rambling incoherently.
The day he came home, it was August so Lana was home from school. We had decided not to tell the kids yet until we knew for sure what we were doing. I remember opening the door, and seeing him there in his black button down shirt, and black jeans and thinking "wow, i love this man". And Lana's face lit up as she jumped into his arms. It was Connor's first day of preschool, so Tom decided to ride with us to go pick him up. The kids had NO idea he was coming home.
We got to the school, and we were told the kids were outside playing. So we went out back to the playground. Connor was playing on the slide and didn't see us right away. So Tom started to walk toward the slide. Connor then turned around and saw him. At first, he just stood there, cocking his head to one side, then the other, until he decided to come get a closer look. So he got off the slide and started walking. The closer he got to Tom, I noticed his lower lip start to quiver. About half way over to him he just lifted his arms up, lower lip still quivering. Tom then picked him up and Connor wrapped his little arms so tight around his neck and held on so tight that I thought he was going to choke him. There wasn't a dry eye on that playground that day. And that is one memory that I will take to my grave with me as one of my favorite memories of all time. Everytime I think about it I still get a lump in my throat.
Now, we're on the verge of doing it all over again. Tom leaves in July for Georgia for 4 more months of training, then after he gets back, we're told he's going to Kuwait for a year. I'm dreading it. An Army wife once told me that the first deployment is always the easiest to get through. If that's true, and I was so bad last time, what's it gonna be like this time? We have a plan this time though. I'm going to take the kids and move back to our hometown where I have 90% of my family and almost ALL of my friends that I grew up with. We think it'll help me better having a big support system closeby to help me through the rough times. But damn, Tom and I are finally in a good place. Losing him again is going to about kill me. But, that's all part of life in the military. You have to deal with not seeing your spouse, or loved one for days, weeks sometimes even months or years at a time. That's probably why they say military wives are the strongest women out there. Speaking for myeself, everyone kept telling me how strong I was, but at the time I didn't feel it. I felt weak, like I didn't know how I was going to go on. That year he was gone proved to me how much I loved him and how no problem is too small to fight for if you truly feel you've found a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Such a great day!
Today, Lana had a Mother's Day Tea party at her school. She's been talking about it for 2 weeks! I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it due to transportation issues, but between Tom and I we worked it out. I wouldn't have bene able to handle the heartbroken look on her face if I hadn't been able to make it. When she started school I swore that that I was going to be as involved as possible in her school activities. I really wanted to be one of those hands on parents. Unfortunatly, life happened and that's not always possible. But being only 6, she doesn't understand that. So I was very glad when I was able to go today.
So, I get to the school and waited outside her class. The minute she saw me her little brown eyes lit up and totally melted my heart. After we got to our seats, the kindergarteners went up to the carpet and sang 2 songs and a poem. It was SO cute. Lana didn't take her eyes off me the whole time. After the performance, we sat down and were served tea and cupcakes that the kids made the day before.
After our snack, we went to the carpet and listened to a story. It was called "I'll Love You Forever" It's about how a mother loves her child no matter how old he/she gets. By the end of the story I was crying. I was thinking about a few different things. First I was thinking about both of my children, I was told that I'd never be able to conceive children naturally. So my kids truly are miracles that I thank God for every day. I was also thinking about my mother and how much I miss her. My last thought of course, was of my mother in law, and how much I still miss her.
It's nice when our kids do stuff for us, so this mother day whether your mother is alive or with you in spirit, make sure you let her know how much you love her and how much you appreciate everything she's done for you.
Happy Mothers day to all you mommies out there!
So, I get to the school and waited outside her class. The minute she saw me her little brown eyes lit up and totally melted my heart. After we got to our seats, the kindergarteners went up to the carpet and sang 2 songs and a poem. It was SO cute. Lana didn't take her eyes off me the whole time. After the performance, we sat down and were served tea and cupcakes that the kids made the day before.
After our snack, we went to the carpet and listened to a story. It was called "I'll Love You Forever" It's about how a mother loves her child no matter how old he/she gets. By the end of the story I was crying. I was thinking about a few different things. First I was thinking about both of my children, I was told that I'd never be able to conceive children naturally. So my kids truly are miracles that I thank God for every day. I was also thinking about my mother and how much I miss her. My last thought of course, was of my mother in law, and how much I still miss her.
It's nice when our kids do stuff for us, so this mother day whether your mother is alive or with you in spirit, make sure you let her know how much you love her and how much you appreciate everything she's done for you.
Happy Mothers day to all you mommies out there!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Past
I know it's been a while since my last post, as one of my friends reminded me of this afternoon. There's been a bit going on here, which I'll get into at some point...but not right now. Anyway, I told this friend that I was having "writer's block", I couldn't seem to think of anything I wanted to write about. I'm still a bit new to this blogging thing, I tend to censor myself alot.
Anyway, she then started asking me about my first date. Which got me thinking. I never really had a real first date until after Tom and I started dating. At least none of the guys I dated before ever really felt like a date before him. As alot of you know, I was 20 years old when I married Tom. Which means I've been with him for the majority of my adult life. As I was telling her about my first date with Tom I got thinking back to the details of that night. I guess you could call it the night that started it all.
We had already been "together" for about a week. We decided to get involved in a relationship at a party my brother was throwing about a month after I got back from Hawaii (that's a whole other blog post lol). I've known Tom since I was about 14. He was a close friend of my brothers. But until that party I never looked at him as more than a friend of my family's. I'll still never figure out what about that night changed things. I just remember a mutual friend telling me I should flirt with him. And I had enough to drink at that point where I was like "sure why not". I never intended it to turn into anything until he kissed me. You know how in the movies the first kiss is always so amazing? You see fireworks and the romantic music is playing, the kind that makes your heart all warm and fuzzy? Well, at the risk of sounding corny that's what it was like the first time Tom kissed me. At that moment I knew I had found something truly special.
Anyway, that first date we went to this local Italian restaraunt called LaBella's. It's not a fancy gourmet restaraunt or anything (but he did take me to a 5 star restaraunt our first Valentines day together, he used to work there lol), but the food was always amazing. I had this angelhair pasta in a white wine sauce, but the sauce was pink, with shrimp. It was SO good lol. Tom, being your typical man, stuck with pizza and beer. I was a little nervous, but I just kept telling myself that he was the same man I've known for years. Once I realized that, it was like talking to an old friend. We laughed about how funny it was that we ended up together. Before he only saw me as a little sister type. He used to get on me for not doing my homework, or failing my classes. By the end of the night I was almost positive that he was the man I was meant to spend my life with.
And here we are, 7 and a half years later, 2 kids, still together, still mostly in love. As my friend had me thinking of that night, I couldn't help but think about the guys I dated before Tom. Of course being young, at least when I was young, I didn't really know what romance was. And to be honest I didn't really know what self worth was. Alot of my boyfriends I met at parties, had more one night stands than I care to admit. One serious long-term relationship before Tom, which ended with me getting my heart broken and my brother chasing him with crutches.
And then, here comes Tom. Totally unlike any other guy I dated, he was much older. But he was smart, and funny. I loved his smartass, dry I guess you could say, sense of humor. The man can find a joke in almost anything. I loved his smile, and his eyes. I remember when I was pregnant with Connor praying that he got Tom's eyes and smile. Which thankfully, he did. I'm not really sure what the point of this blog is, Just some thoughts i was gettin out of my brain lol. Get out and enjoy the sunshine.
Anyway, she then started asking me about my first date. Which got me thinking. I never really had a real first date until after Tom and I started dating. At least none of the guys I dated before ever really felt like a date before him. As alot of you know, I was 20 years old when I married Tom. Which means I've been with him for the majority of my adult life. As I was telling her about my first date with Tom I got thinking back to the details of that night. I guess you could call it the night that started it all.
We had already been "together" for about a week. We decided to get involved in a relationship at a party my brother was throwing about a month after I got back from Hawaii (that's a whole other blog post lol). I've known Tom since I was about 14. He was a close friend of my brothers. But until that party I never looked at him as more than a friend of my family's. I'll still never figure out what about that night changed things. I just remember a mutual friend telling me I should flirt with him. And I had enough to drink at that point where I was like "sure why not". I never intended it to turn into anything until he kissed me. You know how in the movies the first kiss is always so amazing? You see fireworks and the romantic music is playing, the kind that makes your heart all warm and fuzzy? Well, at the risk of sounding corny that's what it was like the first time Tom kissed me. At that moment I knew I had found something truly special.
Anyway, that first date we went to this local Italian restaraunt called LaBella's. It's not a fancy gourmet restaraunt or anything (but he did take me to a 5 star restaraunt our first Valentines day together, he used to work there lol), but the food was always amazing. I had this angelhair pasta in a white wine sauce, but the sauce was pink, with shrimp. It was SO good lol. Tom, being your typical man, stuck with pizza and beer. I was a little nervous, but I just kept telling myself that he was the same man I've known for years. Once I realized that, it was like talking to an old friend. We laughed about how funny it was that we ended up together. Before he only saw me as a little sister type. He used to get on me for not doing my homework, or failing my classes. By the end of the night I was almost positive that he was the man I was meant to spend my life with.
And here we are, 7 and a half years later, 2 kids, still together, still mostly in love. As my friend had me thinking of that night, I couldn't help but think about the guys I dated before Tom. Of course being young, at least when I was young, I didn't really know what romance was. And to be honest I didn't really know what self worth was. Alot of my boyfriends I met at parties, had more one night stands than I care to admit. One serious long-term relationship before Tom, which ended with me getting my heart broken and my brother chasing him with crutches.
And then, here comes Tom. Totally unlike any other guy I dated, he was much older. But he was smart, and funny. I loved his smartass, dry I guess you could say, sense of humor. The man can find a joke in almost anything. I loved his smile, and his eyes. I remember when I was pregnant with Connor praying that he got Tom's eyes and smile. Which thankfully, he did. I'm not really sure what the point of this blog is, Just some thoughts i was gettin out of my brain lol. Get out and enjoy the sunshine.
Friday, April 30, 2010
OMG! I've been domesticated!
Yes, it's happened. I've become *dun dun dun* a real and true housewife! OH THE HORROR! LOL.
It all started the day before yesterday. Tom and I were grocery shopping at Walmart and I went into the carpet care aisle to get my carpet shampoo. Lookin through the different brands and strengths (i'm picky about my carpet shampoo lol), my eye falls on a Dirt Devil Spot cleaner for 30 bucks. I've been bugging Tom for one so I can stop having to lug my heavy shampooer up the stairs every weekend. He kept telling me they were too expensive and I'd just have to deal with it.
After spotting this machine, I scanned the box and discovered it was exactly what I needed! I almost grabbed it but decided against it figuring Tom would probably kill me. He hates when I grab extra stuff when shopping, which is why he doesn't take me with him very much lol. I finished my part of the shopping and went to the check out. We left the store and came home, I had forgotten about the dirt devil.
Then yesterday, Tom goes to work and we start our texting back and forth like we always do. I suddenly remembered it and told him about it. He didn't say anything until he got home. Once we got the kids in bed he asked his dad to watch them and him and I went to walmart to get it! I was actually excited about that. But what excited me even more was he bought me new sheets for our bed.
When I woke up this morning, and started reading the instructions on my dirt devil it hit me. I've been domesticated! I actually get excited when Tom buys me new cleaning appliances and stuff that makes my job easy. When I was growing up I swore I'd never get excited about stuff like that. I also get excited about new cleaning chemicals that actually work. I'm always looking for ways to make my house cleaner.
I'm not complaining about it either. I couldn't be happier with how my life is right now. Especially when all my hard work gets noticed. Like the other day, noone felt like cooking so we decided to order pizza for dinner. Lana comes out and asks Tom if she can eat her pizza in the living room. And much to my suprise, he looked right at her and said "No, because Mommy works very hard to keep the couches and carpets looking pretty and your not gonna mess them up." That one line right there almost made me cry. Very rarley does he make comments like that, or even seem to notice how hard I actually work. So the fact that he actually showed that he appreciated it was almost as romantic as the 4 times he asked me to marry him lol.
Yes, life definatly seems to be improving. I actually enjoy spending time with Tom now, I enjoy taking the kids outside on a sunny day. Maybe Tom leaving again won't be as bad as I thought. Maybe I really will be ok. I'm off now to play with my new toy! LOL see ya'll next time!
It all started the day before yesterday. Tom and I were grocery shopping at Walmart and I went into the carpet care aisle to get my carpet shampoo. Lookin through the different brands and strengths (i'm picky about my carpet shampoo lol), my eye falls on a Dirt Devil Spot cleaner for 30 bucks. I've been bugging Tom for one so I can stop having to lug my heavy shampooer up the stairs every weekend. He kept telling me they were too expensive and I'd just have to deal with it.
After spotting this machine, I scanned the box and discovered it was exactly what I needed! I almost grabbed it but decided against it figuring Tom would probably kill me. He hates when I grab extra stuff when shopping, which is why he doesn't take me with him very much lol. I finished my part of the shopping and went to the check out. We left the store and came home, I had forgotten about the dirt devil.
Then yesterday, Tom goes to work and we start our texting back and forth like we always do. I suddenly remembered it and told him about it. He didn't say anything until he got home. Once we got the kids in bed he asked his dad to watch them and him and I went to walmart to get it! I was actually excited about that. But what excited me even more was he bought me new sheets for our bed.
When I woke up this morning, and started reading the instructions on my dirt devil it hit me. I've been domesticated! I actually get excited when Tom buys me new cleaning appliances and stuff that makes my job easy. When I was growing up I swore I'd never get excited about stuff like that. I also get excited about new cleaning chemicals that actually work. I'm always looking for ways to make my house cleaner.
I'm not complaining about it either. I couldn't be happier with how my life is right now. Especially when all my hard work gets noticed. Like the other day, noone felt like cooking so we decided to order pizza for dinner. Lana comes out and asks Tom if she can eat her pizza in the living room. And much to my suprise, he looked right at her and said "No, because Mommy works very hard to keep the couches and carpets looking pretty and your not gonna mess them up." That one line right there almost made me cry. Very rarley does he make comments like that, or even seem to notice how hard I actually work. So the fact that he actually showed that he appreciated it was almost as romantic as the 4 times he asked me to marry him lol.
Yes, life definatly seems to be improving. I actually enjoy spending time with Tom now, I enjoy taking the kids outside on a sunny day. Maybe Tom leaving again won't be as bad as I thought. Maybe I really will be ok. I'm off now to play with my new toy! LOL see ya'll next time!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday or Thursday...I can't remember what day it is lol
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(my adorable dog Mea)This week is just flying by! And my morning has already started off WONDERFUL *rolls eyes*. I woke up at 6:30am, and got Lana ready for school, about 8am we were on our way out the door to wait for her bus. I didn't know that the cats had dumped they're water dish on the kitchen floor....until i slipped in it! I went down, slammed my bad knee on the floor, and dumped an entire cup of coffee on the floor lol.
So now my knee is killing me, which gives me an excuse to NOT clean today! YAY! a day off lol. Not that it had to be done anyway, I cleaned from top to bottom yesterday in preperation for my caseworker for DSS due sometime this week. It usually stays pretty clean during the week since both kids are gone a majority of the day. It's weekends it usually gets messed up. Maybe that'll change now that the weather is nice.
So, I went to one of my neighbors house for coffee the other day, our girls are close friends so we got close. Anyway, I walk up to her door and see she's standing outside with a couple of the housing people. They were handing out letters for this information meeting they're having about the housing transition. She tells me since I'm already there she'll hand me my letter now. Then asked if Tom's dad was still with us. I said yes and she just said "oh ok" So i'm wondering if this housing mess is over! That would be such a huge relief!
I've been catching up on my reading latley. Currently I'm working on a book called Vampire Acedemy. It is such a good book! I can't wait to start the next one. I've also been reading A book by Keri Arthur called Full Moon Rising. Again another good book. I'm starting to really get into vampire books and stuff like that. Guess we can blame the Twilight Saga for that one lol. These new authors are putting a new twist on vampires and I find it extremly intresting. Not all would agree, Tom for example. He doesn't like how they're changing how vampires are viewed. But everyones allowed to have they're own opinion. Mine is that I love what these authors are trying to do. To have a different view on things is good.
I guess that's all for today, I'll write again when I can actually think of something to write about lol. Things have been pretty calm here latley!
So now my knee is killing me, which gives me an excuse to NOT clean today! YAY! a day off lol. Not that it had to be done anyway, I cleaned from top to bottom yesterday in preperation for my caseworker for DSS due sometime this week. It usually stays pretty clean during the week since both kids are gone a majority of the day. It's weekends it usually gets messed up. Maybe that'll change now that the weather is nice.
So, I went to one of my neighbors house for coffee the other day, our girls are close friends so we got close. Anyway, I walk up to her door and see she's standing outside with a couple of the housing people. They were handing out letters for this information meeting they're having about the housing transition. She tells me since I'm already there she'll hand me my letter now. Then asked if Tom's dad was still with us. I said yes and she just said "oh ok" So i'm wondering if this housing mess is over! That would be such a huge relief!
I've been catching up on my reading latley. Currently I'm working on a book called Vampire Acedemy. It is such a good book! I can't wait to start the next one. I've also been reading A book by Keri Arthur called Full Moon Rising. Again another good book. I'm starting to really get into vampire books and stuff like that. Guess we can blame the Twilight Saga for that one lol. These new authors are putting a new twist on vampires and I find it extremly intresting. Not all would agree, Tom for example. He doesn't like how they're changing how vampires are viewed. But everyones allowed to have they're own opinion. Mine is that I love what these authors are trying to do. To have a different view on things is good.
I guess that's all for today, I'll write again when I can actually think of something to write about lol. Things have been pretty calm here latley!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Help
Before I start on today's topic I wanna say thank you. A friend of mine emailed me yesterday and told me she's been reading my blogs and suggested I should try writing a book. I wanna say thank you Peggy for that wonderful compliment. It's good to know my words are getting read, but that's not the reason I do this. Still good to know people are reading:) On to todays topic.
I was talking to my sister the other day on Yahoo. She told me about this woman she met a few days before while out running errands. This woman is a military wife like myself and in quite a predicament. Her husband is currently stationed in Kwuait and his mother passed away. Having just lost my mother in law, I could already relate to what this poor woman was dealing with, only she was on her own. Now I don't know how many of you readers are military spouses, past or present, but let me tell you a little bit about the process when a death in the family occurs.
When someone in your family dies, whether the soldier is home or abroad, you have to get ahold of the Red Cross to get an emergency message to the soldier. My family has had to do this twice, once 2 years ago when Tom's brother died, and then last month when Ma passed. You need the soldiers rank, unit phone number, his CO's (Commanding officers name). Plus you need the hospital the family member passed away in, and the dr's information so they can confirm the death.
Once all that information is given to the Red Cross, you then have to wait for them to get the message to the soldier. I don't know exactly how that works when the soldier is deployed elsewhere, but when we had to do it for Tom, we had to wait for the Red Cross to contact his CO and then for his CO to contact us to approve his leave. It was a difficult process, I can't imagine what this woman was feeling waiting.
But it gets worse for this poor woman. She then gets a call informing her that they cannot find her husband. So now she's in this base, in a place she doesn't know, asking ANYONE she can find for help in finding her husband. My heart really goes out to this woman in everything she's going through right now. Please I ask that you pray for this woman, whose name I don't even know, in hopes that her husband is returned to her safely in this time where they need each other most.
Now, I heard once that military wives are some of the strongest in the world. And in alot of ways that's true. We as military spouses, have alot more to deal with than civilian spouses. Now, in no way am I saying a civilian spouse's job is any less difficult. But, we have to deal with not seeing our spouse for days, weeks, months, sometimes even years. Some military spouses don't know where they're spouse is, or what they're doing. I had a neighbor once whose husband was deployed to Afghanistan and because of his job, she only got one 8 minute phonecall a month. I was fortunate enough to that, Tom's job being computers, I was able to talk to him almost every day for however long it took him to fall asleep after work.
I know alot of you out there don't support this war we're in, and while I myself don't agree with it either, I do support our troops, and I support my husband. So whether you agree with the war or not, please take a moment to pray for this womans family, and for all of our soldiers over there today, away from they're families. I'm going to post something below that I found. It's called the Army Wife Creed. Enjoy your day!
I was talking to my sister the other day on Yahoo. She told me about this woman she met a few days before while out running errands. This woman is a military wife like myself and in quite a predicament. Her husband is currently stationed in Kwuait and his mother passed away. Having just lost my mother in law, I could already relate to what this poor woman was dealing with, only she was on her own. Now I don't know how many of you readers are military spouses, past or present, but let me tell you a little bit about the process when a death in the family occurs.
When someone in your family dies, whether the soldier is home or abroad, you have to get ahold of the Red Cross to get an emergency message to the soldier. My family has had to do this twice, once 2 years ago when Tom's brother died, and then last month when Ma passed. You need the soldiers rank, unit phone number, his CO's (Commanding officers name). Plus you need the hospital the family member passed away in, and the dr's information so they can confirm the death.
Once all that information is given to the Red Cross, you then have to wait for them to get the message to the soldier. I don't know exactly how that works when the soldier is deployed elsewhere, but when we had to do it for Tom, we had to wait for the Red Cross to contact his CO and then for his CO to contact us to approve his leave. It was a difficult process, I can't imagine what this woman was feeling waiting.
But it gets worse for this poor woman. She then gets a call informing her that they cannot find her husband. So now she's in this base, in a place she doesn't know, asking ANYONE she can find for help in finding her husband. My heart really goes out to this woman in everything she's going through right now. Please I ask that you pray for this woman, whose name I don't even know, in hopes that her husband is returned to her safely in this time where they need each other most.
Now, I heard once that military wives are some of the strongest in the world. And in alot of ways that's true. We as military spouses, have alot more to deal with than civilian spouses. Now, in no way am I saying a civilian spouse's job is any less difficult. But, we have to deal with not seeing our spouse for days, weeks, months, sometimes even years. Some military spouses don't know where they're spouse is, or what they're doing. I had a neighbor once whose husband was deployed to Afghanistan and because of his job, she only got one 8 minute phonecall a month. I was fortunate enough to that, Tom's job being computers, I was able to talk to him almost every day for however long it took him to fall asleep after work.
I know alot of you out there don't support this war we're in, and while I myself don't agree with it either, I do support our troops, and I support my husband. So whether you agree with the war or not, please take a moment to pray for this womans family, and for all of our soldiers over there today, away from they're families. I'm going to post something below that I found. It's called the Army Wife Creed. Enjoy your day!
I am the wife of an American Soldier.
I am a supporter of the United States Army-an encouragment for the protectors of the greatest nation on earth.
Because I am proud of my husband and the uniform he wears, I will always act in ways
credible to him, the military service, and the nation he is sworn to guard.
I am proud of my husband. I will do all that I can to protect, and provide for my family in his absence. I will be loyal to my husband and the vows that we made as we entered the covanent of marriage.
I will do my full part to carry on the goals and values we have set apart for our family and I will continue to instruct our children in the same manner.
As a soldiers wife, I realize that I play a vital role in my husbands decision to become a member of a time-honored profession-that I am doing my share to keep alive the principles of freedom,
As a soldiers wife, I realize that I play a vital role in my husbands decision to become a member of a time-honored profession-that I am doing my share to keep alive the principles of freedom,
for which my country stands.
No matter what situation I'm in, I will never do anything for pleasure, profit, or personal safety, which will disgrace my husband, his uniform or our country.
I will use every means I have to encourage my husband to be the best soldier he can be.
I am proud of my husband, my country and its flag.
I am proud of my husband, my country and its flag.
I will fly the flag and always remember the sacrifices made by my husband and by generations of men and women that have served our beloved country.
I will try to make my husband proud of the manner in which I accept his decision to defend my freedom and the freedom of all American citizens-
for I am the wife of an American Soldier.
Corny I know, but this creed means the world to me.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Morning
So yesterday, I looked at the calendar and realized that Sunday was the 18th. It would've been Ma's 72nd birthday. I still miss her every day. There's not a day that goes by where I don't look at my phone waiting for her to call, then feel the lump in my throat when I realize she's not going to call. Yet, I can't bring myself to change the entry in my phone that says Ma in Law whenever that number calls. I realize I have alot of regrets when it comes to her. I wish I had answered the phone more, told her how much she meant to me more. I wish I could've taken better care of her. Tom feels the same way. He got tears in his eyes the other day and just looked at me and said "My mom is gone, she's never going to call me again." We still have alot of her stuff in our garage from when she lived here. I can't bring myself to go through it, but it's probably time. Maybe this weekend Tom and I can do it together.
He went back in front of the promotion board on Tuesday. He failed it again. They gave him the benefit of the doubt this time because of everything that's been going on, losing Ma and my surgery and all this housing crap. They said that board preperation was probably the last thing on his mind. The problem is, he knows his stuff, everything he has to know to go in front of the board, then when he gets there in front of the committee, he freezes up. I don't know how to help him. He's tried picturing other people there, picturing him just sitting at the table with us. Nothing works. He's SUPPOSED to go back next month, but they don't know because he has field training for 2 weeks next month. He'll be gone on my birthday again, not that that's a big deal, I'll be 28 the time for getting excited about my birthday has passed lol. At least it's not one of the kids birthdays.
Shortly after he gets back from training, he will be leaving for Georgia for 4 months. And I gotta tell ya, I'm scared to DEATH of him leaving again. When he deployed, as I mentioned the other day, I didn't handle it very well. There's no need to go back through that whole story again. What if that happens again? What if I shut down again? What if this time, DSS isn't as forgiving and I lose my kids. What if housing decides that's the perfect time to come mess with me and I don't have Tom here to protect me and tell me it's ok? There are so many thoughts and feelings running through my head and I can't seem to get them all out. I'd like to think I've accomplished alot in the last year, and that I've gotten stronger. But what if that's just wishful thinking? I do feel alot stronger than I ever have before. But what if that all comes crashing down when he leaves again? What if just like last time, he decides he wants to end our marriage again?
And those are just the internal questions. We have no clue what's happening when he gets back. Are we staying in Ft. Drum or will we get stationed somewhere else? It wouldn't be so bad if we got North Carolina, or somewhere I have people I know. But what if we get somewhere I've never been before? Or another country? Then what? So many questions I'm not sure when I'm going to get the answer too.
I guess I'll go clean and clear my head....sorry it's depressing today lol I'll be more cheerful next time
Louise
He went back in front of the promotion board on Tuesday. He failed it again. They gave him the benefit of the doubt this time because of everything that's been going on, losing Ma and my surgery and all this housing crap. They said that board preperation was probably the last thing on his mind. The problem is, he knows his stuff, everything he has to know to go in front of the board, then when he gets there in front of the committee, he freezes up. I don't know how to help him. He's tried picturing other people there, picturing him just sitting at the table with us. Nothing works. He's SUPPOSED to go back next month, but they don't know because he has field training for 2 weeks next month. He'll be gone on my birthday again, not that that's a big deal, I'll be 28 the time for getting excited about my birthday has passed lol. At least it's not one of the kids birthdays.
Shortly after he gets back from training, he will be leaving for Georgia for 4 months. And I gotta tell ya, I'm scared to DEATH of him leaving again. When he deployed, as I mentioned the other day, I didn't handle it very well. There's no need to go back through that whole story again. What if that happens again? What if I shut down again? What if this time, DSS isn't as forgiving and I lose my kids. What if housing decides that's the perfect time to come mess with me and I don't have Tom here to protect me and tell me it's ok? There are so many thoughts and feelings running through my head and I can't seem to get them all out. I'd like to think I've accomplished alot in the last year, and that I've gotten stronger. But what if that's just wishful thinking? I do feel alot stronger than I ever have before. But what if that all comes crashing down when he leaves again? What if just like last time, he decides he wants to end our marriage again?
And those are just the internal questions. We have no clue what's happening when he gets back. Are we staying in Ft. Drum or will we get stationed somewhere else? It wouldn't be so bad if we got North Carolina, or somewhere I have people I know. But what if we get somewhere I've never been before? Or another country? Then what? So many questions I'm not sure when I'm going to get the answer too.
I guess I'll go clean and clear my head....sorry it's depressing today lol I'll be more cheerful next time
Louise
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