Goodbyes

Well, today was the day that my family and I have been dreading. Tom had to leave for Kuwait today. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster all day. I thought this goodbye would be easier. I mean it's not like I've never done it before right?

We decided that it'd be best if we left the kids at home. And we were right. It was much easier for them to say goodbye. Just hugs and tickles and kisses. I'm sure it'll hit them in a few days when they realize that Daddy's not coming to visit like he used to. Originally I thought TOm's dad was going to take him to the airport. It's 4 hours each way and he gets nervous when I make trips like that by myself. But, last night he decided that I should take him and give us some extra time alone together.

The trip to the airport was a quiet one, neither one of us really knew what to say. I wanted to ask him about how he was feeling, but I didnt want to make it harder on him than it already was. So instead I drove quietly getting lost in my music, crying silently the whole way down. He didn't notice which was good. I knew that it was time to put my brave face on so he could see the strong wife, instead of the one who was dying inside.

I was allowed to walk him to the gate. He had an hour before his plane, but we decided to get our goodbyes done as soon as possible. Have you ever seen those commercials or movies where the couples are saying goodbye? The tears? That's what it was like. As soon as I put my arms around him I knew that was going to be the last time for a year and all the emotion I'd been bottling up all month, just came rushing out.

We kissed goodbye and I walked to my car holding back tears. When I got into the car, I got my phone and the first person I called was my mom. I cried like a baby for about 5 minutes, then I picked myself up, but on my brave face and started the drive home. And that's the face I will keep wearing for the next year. At least in front of everyone I come in contact with. That is our job as army wives. We put on a brave face and save the tears for when we're alone at night.

Don't worry about me, I'll be ok. The first few days are always rough. And I have a much better support system this time than last time. My parents are here, I have a wonderful church. I have my GED and college to prepare for. I have plenty to keep me busy. I will NOT fall apart again. I refuse to let myself be weak this time. Sue is coming in a couple weeks. She knows that the first couple weeks are hardest for me. But I swear this time I will pull through

Until Next time,
Keep smiling
Louise