Goodbyes

Well, today was the day that my family and I have been dreading. Tom had to leave for Kuwait today. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster all day. I thought this goodbye would be easier. I mean it's not like I've never done it before right?

We decided that it'd be best if we left the kids at home. And we were right. It was much easier for them to say goodbye. Just hugs and tickles and kisses. I'm sure it'll hit them in a few days when they realize that Daddy's not coming to visit like he used to. Originally I thought TOm's dad was going to take him to the airport. It's 4 hours each way and he gets nervous when I make trips like that by myself. But, last night he decided that I should take him and give us some extra time alone together.

The trip to the airport was a quiet one, neither one of us really knew what to say. I wanted to ask him about how he was feeling, but I didnt want to make it harder on him than it already was. So instead I drove quietly getting lost in my music, crying silently the whole way down. He didn't notice which was good. I knew that it was time to put my brave face on so he could see the strong wife, instead of the one who was dying inside.

I was allowed to walk him to the gate. He had an hour before his plane, but we decided to get our goodbyes done as soon as possible. Have you ever seen those commercials or movies where the couples are saying goodbye? The tears? That's what it was like. As soon as I put my arms around him I knew that was going to be the last time for a year and all the emotion I'd been bottling up all month, just came rushing out.

We kissed goodbye and I walked to my car holding back tears. When I got into the car, I got my phone and the first person I called was my mom. I cried like a baby for about 5 minutes, then I picked myself up, but on my brave face and started the drive home. And that's the face I will keep wearing for the next year. At least in front of everyone I come in contact with. That is our job as army wives. We put on a brave face and save the tears for when we're alone at night.

Don't worry about me, I'll be ok. The first few days are always rough. And I have a much better support system this time than last time. My parents are here, I have a wonderful church. I have my GED and college to prepare for. I have plenty to keep me busy. I will NOT fall apart again. I refuse to let myself be weak this time. Sue is coming in a couple weeks. She knows that the first couple weeks are hardest for me. But I swear this time I will pull through

Until Next time,
Keep smiling
Louise

The Joys of Studying

As many of you know I've been studying for my GED. I think I've gotten myself on a pretty good program. But, let me tell you holy crow has it been a LONG time since I've done this! I just finished up the Language and Writing Skills preperation and wow I had no idea that the English language had so many rules lol.

I never really had a problem with English in school. I always managed to pass it. Where I really struggled was with math. I was having a discussion with a friend earlier this evening and he had said if I needed any help to let him know. So, we got talking about math. He made a comment that really made me giggle. He said "They lost me at x=ab squared....WTF?" Why do we add letters? Seriously.

But, if I want to better my life, I have to pass it. I took the GED test years ago, while Lana was still small and I passed everything but the math. I was told once I have a 3rd grade math level. I'll be so happy once this test is done and over with and I can move on to the fun stuff....career training!

I wish I had never left school. When I left, I had 4 months to go til graduation and I was passing all my classes for a change. I had even been accepted to my dream college. I was going to be a Kindergarten teacher. Of course that was before I had kids lol. I love my kids but I honestly don't think I could handle 20 of them every day.

I think when I finish this, I'd like to train to be a photographer or graphic designer. I love playing with pictures and transforming them into something beautiful. I've even started doing my kids own school pictures. The way I see it is, if you have the know how to do it, why pay someone and get a limit as to what you can have done? Every 6 months, I dress my kids up and take several snapshots. Then, I take them into photoshop and "work my magic" as my friend Tiffany likes to say. Stay tuned for a future blog post on how to do a simple, yet beautiful effect on a picture.

Short one tonight guys. I have no clue what I wanna write about LOL. Until next time...KEEP SMILING!

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Good evening my loyal readers! It's late tonight I know but if you read my blog on the other site then you know my days have gotten a little busy lol.

For those of you who didnt see the post on the other site, let me give you a quick rundown of what my days look like latley. My alarm goes off at 6am (most days I hit the snooze button til about 7 swearing at it the whole time). When I do finally get up it's time to get Lana up for school (of course by now I'm so short on time I find myself praying that Connor sleeps in so I don't have to get 2 kids dressed before coffee). I take her to the bus stop about 7:30 where her bus comes shortly after. Then I finally get my morning coffee. Most days Connor's still asleep when I get back so I have about an hour or so to study for my GED.

When he finally wakes up, I let him wake Tom up while I prepare to do my workout. I alternate between 20 minutes of cardio or strength training (depends on the day) and finish out with 10 minutes of yoga. Now that I'm sore and energized at the same time (I haven't figured out how that works yet lol), I take my sweaty butt to the shower. After that I pour another cup of coffee and start cleaning. I usually have a couple hours before I have to get Lana that I use to play on the computer or whatever I feel like doing.

Then, Lana comes home and it's time to do homework and dinner. I get a couple hours at night of quiet time then I go to sleep to start it all again the next day. I don't work out on Sundays, that's my church and parents day.

Tired yet? If you ever wonder why you haven't seen me for a few days read this post lol. I can't help but wonder, have I started to do too much? I'm also taking online classes to hopefully help me with coping mechanisms for while Tom's gone next year. I'm determined that I'm not gonna fall into that slump again like I did last time.

One last thing before I go to bed. Have you made your New Years Resolutions yet? I have a couple this year. Obviously the first is to lose this weight by the time Tom comes back in January of 2012. And the second is simple, to finish what I start. So many times I've started a life-changing project, worked at it for a few months then got bored and not finished it. I dont wanna do that anymore.

OK, it's bedtime for me. I get to sleep in a bit, Lana's got a 2 hour delay tomorrow. Don't really know why, we're only supposed to get a trace of snow lol. But oh well, I'll take the extra sleep. If I don't see you before have a happy and safe holiday!

Keep Smiling!

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What Have I Been Doing?

I've received a few emails asking what I've been upto since I haven't blogged since idk when. So, I guess I should take a few minutes to tell ya'll what I've been up to.



The last few months have been so much better than the last year, but not without difficulty or change. As you all know I arrived in NC safe and sound and have moved into my own house. I absolutly LOVE my house. It's a beautiful 3 bedroom house with a fenced in backyard. I'm happier than I have been in a long time. It's all hardwood floors and tile so easier to keep clean which makes it GREAT for me LOL.

Tom's home on leave til January where he leaves for Kuwait for a year. When I went to pick him up I was wandering around waiting for him to finish some briefing he had to do and discovered that if I get my GED the army will pay for career training for up to 4k. So I'm working on that. I try to study a little bit every day. THere's no date for the test set yet, but I'll keep you posted.

I also found church. I've been going to this great church with my dad where the people are amazing and so supportive. In October, I was baptized as a follower of Christ. And I have to say honestly, I feel so much more relaxed and at peace. I feel like I can handle almost anything life has to throw at me with strength and courage.

Now for the biggest change. The doctor told my mother that she has to lose serious amounts of weight or she's in real danger. That scared me enough to motivate myself to get healthy with her. So I've started a diet and weight loss program and am aiming to lose 66 pounds by November of 2011. I'm going to need all your support to stay motivated as many of you know, I get bored very easily lol.

I found a great site for support called sparks people. You can track your nutrition and excercise routine. I try for 20 minutes of cardio and strength training, and 10 minutes of yoga every day. As I start to lose more I'll probably increase that. Alot of my future blogs will probably be tracking my weight loss and such. Maybe even post pictures once in a while as to my progress lol.

We're doing Christmas at my house this year. I'm going to attempt to cook my first Christmas dinner. My parents are going to come as well as my brother I'm very excited for it!

Well that's it for now! I'll try to remember to blog more often, but if not just kick me every once in a while and say "HEY DUMBASS....BLOG!!!!" LMFAO. I love and miss you all and I wish you all a safe and happy Holiday!

The Differences

Ok so I've been in NC for almost a week now. So far I've felt 10 times more relaxed than ever. The people here are so laid back, which I've already experienced having lived here before. They are always ready to offer a smile, or kind word whether they know you or not.

So today, I was chillin in the pool with my family when all of a sudden this little boy wanders into the back yard. He couldn't have been more than 12. Keep in mind that the temperature was 95 with a heat index of 107. He tells us he just moved into the area and had been riding his bike when he got lost. The poor kid's face was flushed, he was sweating and looked like he may have had the start of heat exhaustion. I got out of the pool and got him a cold drink and had him sit in the shade.

My brother got out and we found the directions to where he said he lived. Turns out he was only 5 minutes out of the way so my brother loaded his bike into the back of the truck and drove him home.

While my brother was gone, I couldn't help but think....if this had been where I just moved from, the people would've told the kid he was on his own and sent him on his way. Either that or brought him home, yelled at the boys mother and called social services.

My challenge to you is this, no matter where you live, if you are able to, lend a helping hand to someone in need. Take a page out of the people I've encountered here's book. We all need to be more tolerant of each other. We're all in this life together and noone gets out alive!

I'm out of town this weekend, I'm taking my kids and fil to georgia to see tom, but I'll let you know how it went on Monday when I get back. Enjoy your weekend!

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A Fresh Start, A New Beginning?

So it's been a while since my last blog post and at the end of this post you'll understand why.

The past few months have been trying to say the least. I had my parents visiting from North Carolina, which was absolutly amazing! Went to see 3 new movies with my mother, The Karate Kid, Grown Ups (hilarious movie!), and Eclipse!!!!!!! For you Twilight fans out there that haven't seen the movie yet, I strongly recommend it, so far it's the best movie of the series. I honestly don't know how they're going to top it with Breaking Dawn.

I went to a family reunion at my aunts house in Albany in July. That was a blast SO many people there I haven't seen in years. Sue from Pennsylvania came up for the weekend to go with me. I always have so much fun with her. It's like we're thinking off the same brain. I only have one other friend like that and that's my childhood best friend Jenny.

Tom left for his training in Georgia. That was an emotional day. I had to say goodbye to my husband, and then an hour later say good bye to my parents as they left to go back home. And this is where the roller coaster ride begins lol. We had decided that we are NOT staying here while Tom's gone and that the best place for us was North Carolina closer to my parents. The original plan was to move in September. Then some issues with housing and money came up and we had to push the move up to August. Tom had told me that according to his orders, we were authorized a military move.

So, I called the dept I needed to to try to set that up and was told that according to his orders we were NOT authorized a military move. Of course, I fell apart. Tom then told me to go get a copy of his orders and bring it to transportation and have them read it themselves. So I did that, transportation said that we were authorized a military move, only Tom had put down the wrong address. So he had to send an email to get an amendment to his orders which he did. This past Thursday I went into transportation and set up our military move.

The movers will be here Monday to get my stuff and ship it to my parents house where me, the kids and Tom's father are going to stay until we get on our feet enough to get a place. My final clearing inspection for this place is on Thursday and we are on the road on Friday morning!

So finally, after all this hell, this nightmare of the past more than a year, I'm getting my fresh start and my new beginning and I'm going to do things differently this time. How you may ask? Well for starters, once I get my license back I'm going to go back to work. To me that's the first step in the Powell's new life. I've been raising my kids for 7 years and while I adore my children and wouldn't change anything for the world, I'm ready to get out of the house even for jsut a few hours a day and really feel like I'm contributing. After that, we'll see but I have very high hopes for a bright future....I think I've finally earned it!

I want to take this time to thank everyone, friends and family alike, who have been there with me through all the tough times. I honestly don't know how I would've gotten through any of this without you guys! This is not the end, but a new begining I'm ready to start my life the right way. I'll be blogging again, but I don't know when yet, I won't have internet access for a while. Until then keep your head held high, and keep a smile on your face no matter what's going on there will be better days! I love you all

Louise

Random Thoughts

I took my kids to the park yesterday. It was a gorgeous day, the sun was shining so I figured, living here you never know when it's going to be rainy and cold so I might as well enjoy the sunshine while I can. Once we got over there a whole bunch of kids there and a couple of the wives. Normally I'd bury myself in my book or make a call so I'd have an excuse to ignore them, I still have alot of trust issues after last time. But yesterday, I was in the mood for some adult interaction.

I got talkin to one of the wives and next thing I know over 2 hours had gone by. We talked about EVERYTHING. Mainly the challenges of being an army wife, shared different deployment stories, what our plans were for after the military. We even discovered that we have the same cleaning habits LOL! We also discovered she only lives right behind me so of course when leaving the park we went through the whole "we should get together sometime". And for the first time since all this DSS crap started, I actually meant it.

It's nice when you meet people in the same situation as you, and everyone says army wives have to stick together. During our conversation we met a woman with 3 kids, just moved into the housing complex and going through her first deployment. I really felt for her. While she was laughing and joking right along with us, I could still see a sadness in her eyes, and I remember all too well what she's feeling. The lonliness, overwhelmed, trying to be strong for her kids only to feel completly lost at night. I meant to give her my number yesterday but forgot, I'll have to remember to do that next time I see her. Everyone needs someone to lean on during these times. And I'm determined to be there for someone the way I needed someone to be there for me, only they weren't.

Unless you're in the military, you really can't fathom what we go through. You can sit here and read my blogs and get an idea of what it's like. But unless it happens to you there's no way to grasp the full impact of it. You truly are a single mom, only difference is you're married. But when our soldier is gone, everything is laid on us. The bills, the housework, the cooking, car maintnence minor repairs around the house, everything. It doesn't sound like much more than a normal housewife goes through but it gets lonely. Especially when stuff gets messed up and you feel like you have noone else to turn to because your spouse, your best friend, your partner, is off in another country risking his/her life every single day.

As far as Kuwait goes, the officer's are trying to fight it and make it so Tom comes back here. That'll be so much better. I can handle a week and a half or even 4 months, but another year might prove to be too much. We've started looking at places back home, but can't find anything within our price range that fits our needs. I'm excited to move but scared at the same time. Change is a very scary thing, and i know everyone goes through it and it's a part of life and all that, but I worry if we're still going to be able to support the kids.

I guess that's it for today, I'm thinking of going to have my coffee on the back porch and enjoy the sunshine before I start cleaning. If the weather is nice where you are, get out and do the same thing!