Ok so I've been gone

This month has been absolutly insane for me. An emotional rollercoaster. On March 12, 2010, at 5:58pm, after 4 days in ICU, we lost my beloved mother in law. That damn near killed me. We were so close, she was like a second mother to me. She had this personality that made it impossible not to adore her. She could always find a joke or a way to smile and make others around her smile. She never had much, but was willing to give whatever she had if it meant helping others. The world was a much better place with her in it, she taught me that there are still good people in the world. I miss her dearly and always will.

After we got back from the funeral, I discovered my gallbladder had to come out. So I had that surgery this past Thursday, I'm still a bit sore but much better than i was on Thursday lol. I'm just going nuts because I'm still too sore to do my normal housework. And boy does it show! Don't get me wrong, Tom was a HUGE help, but I don't think he ever learned how to use a vacuum cleaner or carpet shampooer the right way. Hopefully in a couple more days I'll be able to clean like I used to, then my house will be normal again.

On top of that, we still have all this military housing department crap going on. We now have to move. It's not too bad, we had planned on moving anyway but not right away. Now we don't have a choice. We did find a really great place and are waiting to hear about a loan we applied for to help with the move. According to my friend, this place we went through approves everyone so we'll see. I really love this place. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom with a patio in the back. Pets are allowed with no extra fee. The community center has a pool and hot tub. And best of all....IT'S NOT MILITARY RUN!!!!!!! Moving into military housing was the worst idea I've ever had. There's so many rules that they don't tell you about until you break them. We're not even allowed to change our oil in the diveway (yes we got written up for that). My neighbors are nosey and judgmental, when we were home for Ma's funeral, one of our neighbors actually cut our dog loose because they didn't like her barking. WTF? She's a dog who's family has never left her for more than a couple hours before and we were gone for a week!

I'm hoping this new house will be like a new start, a new beginning. Things aren't exactly great with Tom and I. I still love him to death, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I feel like he's only with me because we have kids together. He hardly ever sleeps in bed with me anymore, most nights he ends up on the couch claiming he fell asleep watching TV. It's almost like we're going through the motions of a married couple without the romance and intimacy. Now I know after time some of the romance fades, but really I can't remember the last time when we did share a bed he cuddled with me, he's starting to give me a complex. When I talk to him about it he says "well I'm just not a cuddly touchy feely person." But I think there's something more and he won't talk to me about it. I'm not ready to give up and leave, I probably never will leave, but don't I deserve more? I know I screwed up when he was deployed, and it almost cost us our kids, but I've gotten so much better since. When is he going to stop punishing me? When will I get the man I married back? That's all for now, enjoy your week until we talk again

Louise