Yes, it's happened. I've become *dun dun dun* a real and true housewife! OH THE HORROR! LOL.
It all started the day before yesterday. Tom and I were grocery shopping at Walmart and I went into the carpet care aisle to get my carpet shampoo. Lookin through the different brands and strengths (i'm picky about my carpet shampoo lol), my eye falls on a Dirt Devil Spot cleaner for 30 bucks. I've been bugging Tom for one so I can stop having to lug my heavy shampooer up the stairs every weekend. He kept telling me they were too expensive and I'd just have to deal with it.
After spotting this machine, I scanned the box and discovered it was exactly what I needed! I almost grabbed it but decided against it figuring Tom would probably kill me. He hates when I grab extra stuff when shopping, which is why he doesn't take me with him very much lol. I finished my part of the shopping and went to the check out. We left the store and came home, I had forgotten about the dirt devil.
Then yesterday, Tom goes to work and we start our texting back and forth like we always do. I suddenly remembered it and told him about it. He didn't say anything until he got home. Once we got the kids in bed he asked his dad to watch them and him and I went to walmart to get it! I was actually excited about that. But what excited me even more was he bought me new sheets for our bed.
When I woke up this morning, and started reading the instructions on my dirt devil it hit me. I've been domesticated! I actually get excited when Tom buys me new cleaning appliances and stuff that makes my job easy. When I was growing up I swore I'd never get excited about stuff like that. I also get excited about new cleaning chemicals that actually work. I'm always looking for ways to make my house cleaner.
I'm not complaining about it either. I couldn't be happier with how my life is right now. Especially when all my hard work gets noticed. Like the other day, noone felt like cooking so we decided to order pizza for dinner. Lana comes out and asks Tom if she can eat her pizza in the living room. And much to my suprise, he looked right at her and said "No, because Mommy works very hard to keep the couches and carpets looking pretty and your not gonna mess them up." That one line right there almost made me cry. Very rarley does he make comments like that, or even seem to notice how hard I actually work. So the fact that he actually showed that he appreciated it was almost as romantic as the 4 times he asked me to marry him lol.
Yes, life definatly seems to be improving. I actually enjoy spending time with Tom now, I enjoy taking the kids outside on a sunny day. Maybe Tom leaving again won't be as bad as I thought. Maybe I really will be ok. I'm off now to play with my new toy! LOL see ya'll next time!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday or Thursday...I can't remember what day it is lol
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(my adorable dog Mea)This week is just flying by! And my morning has already started off WONDERFUL *rolls eyes*. I woke up at 6:30am, and got Lana ready for school, about 8am we were on our way out the door to wait for her bus. I didn't know that the cats had dumped they're water dish on the kitchen floor....until i slipped in it! I went down, slammed my bad knee on the floor, and dumped an entire cup of coffee on the floor lol.
So now my knee is killing me, which gives me an excuse to NOT clean today! YAY! a day off lol. Not that it had to be done anyway, I cleaned from top to bottom yesterday in preperation for my caseworker for DSS due sometime this week. It usually stays pretty clean during the week since both kids are gone a majority of the day. It's weekends it usually gets messed up. Maybe that'll change now that the weather is nice.
So, I went to one of my neighbors house for coffee the other day, our girls are close friends so we got close. Anyway, I walk up to her door and see she's standing outside with a couple of the housing people. They were handing out letters for this information meeting they're having about the housing transition. She tells me since I'm already there she'll hand me my letter now. Then asked if Tom's dad was still with us. I said yes and she just said "oh ok" So i'm wondering if this housing mess is over! That would be such a huge relief!
I've been catching up on my reading latley. Currently I'm working on a book called Vampire Acedemy. It is such a good book! I can't wait to start the next one. I've also been reading A book by Keri Arthur called Full Moon Rising. Again another good book. I'm starting to really get into vampire books and stuff like that. Guess we can blame the Twilight Saga for that one lol. These new authors are putting a new twist on vampires and I find it extremly intresting. Not all would agree, Tom for example. He doesn't like how they're changing how vampires are viewed. But everyones allowed to have they're own opinion. Mine is that I love what these authors are trying to do. To have a different view on things is good.
I guess that's all for today, I'll write again when I can actually think of something to write about lol. Things have been pretty calm here latley!
So now my knee is killing me, which gives me an excuse to NOT clean today! YAY! a day off lol. Not that it had to be done anyway, I cleaned from top to bottom yesterday in preperation for my caseworker for DSS due sometime this week. It usually stays pretty clean during the week since both kids are gone a majority of the day. It's weekends it usually gets messed up. Maybe that'll change now that the weather is nice.
So, I went to one of my neighbors house for coffee the other day, our girls are close friends so we got close. Anyway, I walk up to her door and see she's standing outside with a couple of the housing people. They were handing out letters for this information meeting they're having about the housing transition. She tells me since I'm already there she'll hand me my letter now. Then asked if Tom's dad was still with us. I said yes and she just said "oh ok" So i'm wondering if this housing mess is over! That would be such a huge relief!
I've been catching up on my reading latley. Currently I'm working on a book called Vampire Acedemy. It is such a good book! I can't wait to start the next one. I've also been reading A book by Keri Arthur called Full Moon Rising. Again another good book. I'm starting to really get into vampire books and stuff like that. Guess we can blame the Twilight Saga for that one lol. These new authors are putting a new twist on vampires and I find it extremly intresting. Not all would agree, Tom for example. He doesn't like how they're changing how vampires are viewed. But everyones allowed to have they're own opinion. Mine is that I love what these authors are trying to do. To have a different view on things is good.
I guess that's all for today, I'll write again when I can actually think of something to write about lol. Things have been pretty calm here latley!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Help
Before I start on today's topic I wanna say thank you. A friend of mine emailed me yesterday and told me she's been reading my blogs and suggested I should try writing a book. I wanna say thank you Peggy for that wonderful compliment. It's good to know my words are getting read, but that's not the reason I do this. Still good to know people are reading:) On to todays topic.
I was talking to my sister the other day on Yahoo. She told me about this woman she met a few days before while out running errands. This woman is a military wife like myself and in quite a predicament. Her husband is currently stationed in Kwuait and his mother passed away. Having just lost my mother in law, I could already relate to what this poor woman was dealing with, only she was on her own. Now I don't know how many of you readers are military spouses, past or present, but let me tell you a little bit about the process when a death in the family occurs.
When someone in your family dies, whether the soldier is home or abroad, you have to get ahold of the Red Cross to get an emergency message to the soldier. My family has had to do this twice, once 2 years ago when Tom's brother died, and then last month when Ma passed. You need the soldiers rank, unit phone number, his CO's (Commanding officers name). Plus you need the hospital the family member passed away in, and the dr's information so they can confirm the death.
Once all that information is given to the Red Cross, you then have to wait for them to get the message to the soldier. I don't know exactly how that works when the soldier is deployed elsewhere, but when we had to do it for Tom, we had to wait for the Red Cross to contact his CO and then for his CO to contact us to approve his leave. It was a difficult process, I can't imagine what this woman was feeling waiting.
But it gets worse for this poor woman. She then gets a call informing her that they cannot find her husband. So now she's in this base, in a place she doesn't know, asking ANYONE she can find for help in finding her husband. My heart really goes out to this woman in everything she's going through right now. Please I ask that you pray for this woman, whose name I don't even know, in hopes that her husband is returned to her safely in this time where they need each other most.
Now, I heard once that military wives are some of the strongest in the world. And in alot of ways that's true. We as military spouses, have alot more to deal with than civilian spouses. Now, in no way am I saying a civilian spouse's job is any less difficult. But, we have to deal with not seeing our spouse for days, weeks, months, sometimes even years. Some military spouses don't know where they're spouse is, or what they're doing. I had a neighbor once whose husband was deployed to Afghanistan and because of his job, she only got one 8 minute phonecall a month. I was fortunate enough to that, Tom's job being computers, I was able to talk to him almost every day for however long it took him to fall asleep after work.
I know alot of you out there don't support this war we're in, and while I myself don't agree with it either, I do support our troops, and I support my husband. So whether you agree with the war or not, please take a moment to pray for this womans family, and for all of our soldiers over there today, away from they're families. I'm going to post something below that I found. It's called the Army Wife Creed. Enjoy your day!
I was talking to my sister the other day on Yahoo. She told me about this woman she met a few days before while out running errands. This woman is a military wife like myself and in quite a predicament. Her husband is currently stationed in Kwuait and his mother passed away. Having just lost my mother in law, I could already relate to what this poor woman was dealing with, only she was on her own. Now I don't know how many of you readers are military spouses, past or present, but let me tell you a little bit about the process when a death in the family occurs.
When someone in your family dies, whether the soldier is home or abroad, you have to get ahold of the Red Cross to get an emergency message to the soldier. My family has had to do this twice, once 2 years ago when Tom's brother died, and then last month when Ma passed. You need the soldiers rank, unit phone number, his CO's (Commanding officers name). Plus you need the hospital the family member passed away in, and the dr's information so they can confirm the death.
Once all that information is given to the Red Cross, you then have to wait for them to get the message to the soldier. I don't know exactly how that works when the soldier is deployed elsewhere, but when we had to do it for Tom, we had to wait for the Red Cross to contact his CO and then for his CO to contact us to approve his leave. It was a difficult process, I can't imagine what this woman was feeling waiting.
But it gets worse for this poor woman. She then gets a call informing her that they cannot find her husband. So now she's in this base, in a place she doesn't know, asking ANYONE she can find for help in finding her husband. My heart really goes out to this woman in everything she's going through right now. Please I ask that you pray for this woman, whose name I don't even know, in hopes that her husband is returned to her safely in this time where they need each other most.
Now, I heard once that military wives are some of the strongest in the world. And in alot of ways that's true. We as military spouses, have alot more to deal with than civilian spouses. Now, in no way am I saying a civilian spouse's job is any less difficult. But, we have to deal with not seeing our spouse for days, weeks, months, sometimes even years. Some military spouses don't know where they're spouse is, or what they're doing. I had a neighbor once whose husband was deployed to Afghanistan and because of his job, she only got one 8 minute phonecall a month. I was fortunate enough to that, Tom's job being computers, I was able to talk to him almost every day for however long it took him to fall asleep after work.
I know alot of you out there don't support this war we're in, and while I myself don't agree with it either, I do support our troops, and I support my husband. So whether you agree with the war or not, please take a moment to pray for this womans family, and for all of our soldiers over there today, away from they're families. I'm going to post something below that I found. It's called the Army Wife Creed. Enjoy your day!
I am the wife of an American Soldier.
I am a supporter of the United States Army-an encouragment for the protectors of the greatest nation on earth.
Because I am proud of my husband and the uniform he wears, I will always act in ways
credible to him, the military service, and the nation he is sworn to guard.
I am proud of my husband. I will do all that I can to protect, and provide for my family in his absence. I will be loyal to my husband and the vows that we made as we entered the covanent of marriage.
I will do my full part to carry on the goals and values we have set apart for our family and I will continue to instruct our children in the same manner.
As a soldiers wife, I realize that I play a vital role in my husbands decision to become a member of a time-honored profession-that I am doing my share to keep alive the principles of freedom,
As a soldiers wife, I realize that I play a vital role in my husbands decision to become a member of a time-honored profession-that I am doing my share to keep alive the principles of freedom,
for which my country stands.
No matter what situation I'm in, I will never do anything for pleasure, profit, or personal safety, which will disgrace my husband, his uniform or our country.
I will use every means I have to encourage my husband to be the best soldier he can be.
I am proud of my husband, my country and its flag.
I am proud of my husband, my country and its flag.
I will fly the flag and always remember the sacrifices made by my husband and by generations of men and women that have served our beloved country.
I will try to make my husband proud of the manner in which I accept his decision to defend my freedom and the freedom of all American citizens-
for I am the wife of an American Soldier.
Corny I know, but this creed means the world to me.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Morning
So yesterday, I looked at the calendar and realized that Sunday was the 18th. It would've been Ma's 72nd birthday. I still miss her every day. There's not a day that goes by where I don't look at my phone waiting for her to call, then feel the lump in my throat when I realize she's not going to call. Yet, I can't bring myself to change the entry in my phone that says Ma in Law whenever that number calls. I realize I have alot of regrets when it comes to her. I wish I had answered the phone more, told her how much she meant to me more. I wish I could've taken better care of her. Tom feels the same way. He got tears in his eyes the other day and just looked at me and said "My mom is gone, she's never going to call me again." We still have alot of her stuff in our garage from when she lived here. I can't bring myself to go through it, but it's probably time. Maybe this weekend Tom and I can do it together.
He went back in front of the promotion board on Tuesday. He failed it again. They gave him the benefit of the doubt this time because of everything that's been going on, losing Ma and my surgery and all this housing crap. They said that board preperation was probably the last thing on his mind. The problem is, he knows his stuff, everything he has to know to go in front of the board, then when he gets there in front of the committee, he freezes up. I don't know how to help him. He's tried picturing other people there, picturing him just sitting at the table with us. Nothing works. He's SUPPOSED to go back next month, but they don't know because he has field training for 2 weeks next month. He'll be gone on my birthday again, not that that's a big deal, I'll be 28 the time for getting excited about my birthday has passed lol. At least it's not one of the kids birthdays.
Shortly after he gets back from training, he will be leaving for Georgia for 4 months. And I gotta tell ya, I'm scared to DEATH of him leaving again. When he deployed, as I mentioned the other day, I didn't handle it very well. There's no need to go back through that whole story again. What if that happens again? What if I shut down again? What if this time, DSS isn't as forgiving and I lose my kids. What if housing decides that's the perfect time to come mess with me and I don't have Tom here to protect me and tell me it's ok? There are so many thoughts and feelings running through my head and I can't seem to get them all out. I'd like to think I've accomplished alot in the last year, and that I've gotten stronger. But what if that's just wishful thinking? I do feel alot stronger than I ever have before. But what if that all comes crashing down when he leaves again? What if just like last time, he decides he wants to end our marriage again?
And those are just the internal questions. We have no clue what's happening when he gets back. Are we staying in Ft. Drum or will we get stationed somewhere else? It wouldn't be so bad if we got North Carolina, or somewhere I have people I know. But what if we get somewhere I've never been before? Or another country? Then what? So many questions I'm not sure when I'm going to get the answer too.
I guess I'll go clean and clear my head....sorry it's depressing today lol I'll be more cheerful next time
Louise
He went back in front of the promotion board on Tuesday. He failed it again. They gave him the benefit of the doubt this time because of everything that's been going on, losing Ma and my surgery and all this housing crap. They said that board preperation was probably the last thing on his mind. The problem is, he knows his stuff, everything he has to know to go in front of the board, then when he gets there in front of the committee, he freezes up. I don't know how to help him. He's tried picturing other people there, picturing him just sitting at the table with us. Nothing works. He's SUPPOSED to go back next month, but they don't know because he has field training for 2 weeks next month. He'll be gone on my birthday again, not that that's a big deal, I'll be 28 the time for getting excited about my birthday has passed lol. At least it's not one of the kids birthdays.
Shortly after he gets back from training, he will be leaving for Georgia for 4 months. And I gotta tell ya, I'm scared to DEATH of him leaving again. When he deployed, as I mentioned the other day, I didn't handle it very well. There's no need to go back through that whole story again. What if that happens again? What if I shut down again? What if this time, DSS isn't as forgiving and I lose my kids. What if housing decides that's the perfect time to come mess with me and I don't have Tom here to protect me and tell me it's ok? There are so many thoughts and feelings running through my head and I can't seem to get them all out. I'd like to think I've accomplished alot in the last year, and that I've gotten stronger. But what if that's just wishful thinking? I do feel alot stronger than I ever have before. But what if that all comes crashing down when he leaves again? What if just like last time, he decides he wants to end our marriage again?
And those are just the internal questions. We have no clue what's happening when he gets back. Are we staying in Ft. Drum or will we get stationed somewhere else? It wouldn't be so bad if we got North Carolina, or somewhere I have people I know. But what if we get somewhere I've never been before? Or another country? Then what? So many questions I'm not sure when I'm going to get the answer too.
I guess I'll go clean and clear my head....sorry it's depressing today lol I'll be more cheerful next time
Louise
Monday, April 19, 2010
Back to School!
Well, I survived spring break.....didn't think i'd do it. It was an insane week lol. I spent all day Saturday shampooing my upstairs carpets, I find with the animals I have to do that about once a week. It helps keep the smell to a minimum. Then Sunday I did the downstairs, the couches and carpet. They're finally starting to look as good as it did before my surgery. So, last night, I go upstairs to do the bath, storytime and bedtime thing with the kids, and discover that my carpets are a mess again because of the dogs (we're dogsitting til like Thursday). I sat down, right there on Lana's bedroom floor and started crying. I just felt like "what's the point of all this work?" I work all day everyday trying to keep this place clean and suitable for kids.
Anyway, Tom comes upstairs and asks me what was wrong, he thought I overdid it and was in alot of pain. I just looked at him and said "that's it! all the animals are going! I can't take it anymore!" He looked at me with wide eyes, turned around and went back downstairs. After I calmed down and came back downstairs he looked at me and said "You're not really gonna make me get rid of Mea are you?" Of course I'm not gonna make him get rid of Mea. I'm as attached to that dog as he is. It's just frustrating is all. I am trying to talk him into keeping just the dog and one cat and getting rid of the rest. That would make my life SO much easier. He doesn't seem opposed to the idea and we've agreed on one cat, Ewok, she hates people anyway. The other one I wanna get rid of, Spaz, is the mama cat to Garfield and Ewok. She's gonna be harder to convince him, and I don't want to get rid of her either but it's either her or Garfield and there's no way in hell he's gonna part with Garfield, or Mea. I wouldn't ask him to part with Mea, she's too sweet of a dog to see go anywhere else.
As far as the housing situation goes, there's not much of a change there. We're still going to try to stay here. It's more affordable with our scarce funds right now. And we just tried again to enroll his father in DEERS, we figure it should go through this time because his unemployment checks stopped so he has no income. From my understanding, if we can get his father in DEERS, he'll be a dependant of Tom's and then the military can't say anything about him being here. So, fingers crossed that my family FINALLY gets a break. We could certainly use it.
I'd post more but i have alot to do today, no cleaning, just some research that needs to be done for certain things. So I'm going to get to it. Enjoy your day!
Louise
Anyway, Tom comes upstairs and asks me what was wrong, he thought I overdid it and was in alot of pain. I just looked at him and said "that's it! all the animals are going! I can't take it anymore!" He looked at me with wide eyes, turned around and went back downstairs. After I calmed down and came back downstairs he looked at me and said "You're not really gonna make me get rid of Mea are you?" Of course I'm not gonna make him get rid of Mea. I'm as attached to that dog as he is. It's just frustrating is all. I am trying to talk him into keeping just the dog and one cat and getting rid of the rest. That would make my life SO much easier. He doesn't seem opposed to the idea and we've agreed on one cat, Ewok, she hates people anyway. The other one I wanna get rid of, Spaz, is the mama cat to Garfield and Ewok. She's gonna be harder to convince him, and I don't want to get rid of her either but it's either her or Garfield and there's no way in hell he's gonna part with Garfield, or Mea. I wouldn't ask him to part with Mea, she's too sweet of a dog to see go anywhere else.
As far as the housing situation goes, there's not much of a change there. We're still going to try to stay here. It's more affordable with our scarce funds right now. And we just tried again to enroll his father in DEERS, we figure it should go through this time because his unemployment checks stopped so he has no income. From my understanding, if we can get his father in DEERS, he'll be a dependant of Tom's and then the military can't say anything about him being here. So, fingers crossed that my family FINALLY gets a break. We could certainly use it.
I'd post more but i have alot to do today, no cleaning, just some research that needs to be done for certain things. So I'm going to get to it. Enjoy your day!
Louise
Friday, April 16, 2010
FRIDAY!!!!
Two more days until it's back to school. Thank god! My kids have been driving me nuts all week lol. They were fighting and whining and into EVERYTHING! I'll be glad when Monday comes and I get a few hours of peace and quiet.
Just a quick thought. On another blogging type site that I'm part of yesterday someone made a judgmental comment to one of my friends about something major that she's going through. In her defense one of my other friends posted a blog about how you should really think before you say or do something to somebody else. It REALLY had me thinking, all day and most of the night really, about why people feel the need to judge others before they know crap about them or they're entire situation. I've had it happen to me over a year ago and I'm still trying to put my life back together from the damage this person caused.
When Tom deployed, I didn't handle it very well at all. It wasn't just that they deployed him on our anniversary, or the day before Lana's birthday, it was that he wasnt HERE. It was a major shock to me. He had been gone before so I thought I'd be used to it. I was no where near prepared for what it was really like to have the man I married, the man I pledged my life too, not sharing a bed with me for a whole year. I literally shut down. I didn't clean, barley did anything with my kids. I just went through the motions to make sure they're most basic needs were met. I had trouble sleeping at night, so I didn't do much of that, which means when I did sleep I overslept so Lana missed a ton of school. I found out much later that this was caused by a form of depression that causes me to shut down and give up when I get overwhelmed, but I didn't know that at the time.
One of my neighbors (I'll never really know who), took it upon themselves to report me to DSS (Social Services) for neglecting my children. The following year was absolute hell for my family and myself. I came very close to losing my children. I had to have a psych evaluation (which is how we found out about the depression), Lana even had to have one! We found out she has Generalized Anxiety Disorder with features of depression, at 6! The therapist said it was partly caused by my not being able to support her and be there for her the way I should've been. They ended up sending Tom home from Iraq 2 months early. Of course he was furious with me for screwing up so badly and I don't blame him. It came very close to ending my marriage. We ended up in court where I had to admit everything publically and it's now on public record until Connor is 18. I still have DSS checking up on me once a month. Which is alot of the reason I'm so crazy about my housework.
Tom was told by his command, that because of this, we had to move a family member in to help out. So we moved his father in, I wasn't thrilled about this decision but I knew it was neccessary to fix what I had broken. Apparently there was some request form we were supposed to fill out with the military to approve this "guest" that we didn't know about so we didn't do it. Well again, one of my neighbors (probably the same one...who knows) reported us to the housing department for having an "unauthorized guest". So now we have them on our back trying to evict us.
If this person whoever turned me in, had just come and checked on me, offered to help rather than taking it upon themselves to judge me....NONE of this would've happened. We wouldn't have eviction swinging over our heads, I wouldn't have DSS knocking on my door once a month, and my marriage wouldn't have been in shambles, leaving me unsure as to whether or not it could be saved. And most importantly I wouldn't be constantly paranoid and afraid that someone was going to walk in here and take my children from me every second of every day. All of this because ONE person decided to judge me before they really knew me or my situation. So please, please, PLEASE be careful when you judge another person, there could be ALOT more going on than you really know. I try really hard not to judge other people before I know them, but even I admit I'm guilty of it from time to time. Fact of life I guess......
There's SO much more I could write on that topic and what's happened to me. But remembering what I went through is making me tear up now. To think that people out there are so cruel and heartless that they feel the need to try to ruin someone else's life just because they don't like them for whatever reason........Anyway, I'm changing the subject.
Last night, Tom had Staff Duty. Basically all he does is goes and sits at a desk and waits for the phone to ring all night. Anyway he comes home last night for dinner break and hands me a paper from the housing people that own our house thingy....for once it was good news! The contract that the place we live at now with the military ends in September and all these houses are going to turn into private rentals. We were waiting to see what the new rent was goin to be before we decided if we were going to move or not ( before all this housing crap started). Well, we got that letter yesterday. The rent is not going to change and the new landlord will continue to pay all utilities. This means that if we stay here, absolutly nothing will change. So Tom and I spent his hour dinner break talking about our options. And I think we've decided that we're going to TRY to hold the military housing off until the contract ends in September and we can sign the new lease October 1st. If we can do that, we'll put his dad on the lease and we'll be covered. And free of all this beaurocratic military bullshit we're going through now. Please guys, please pray that for once, this works out the way we want it to. I don't know how many more blows I can take. These brick walls are really starting to hurt.
That's all for today, enjoy your weekend!
Louise
Just a quick thought. On another blogging type site that I'm part of yesterday someone made a judgmental comment to one of my friends about something major that she's going through. In her defense one of my other friends posted a blog about how you should really think before you say or do something to somebody else. It REALLY had me thinking, all day and most of the night really, about why people feel the need to judge others before they know crap about them or they're entire situation. I've had it happen to me over a year ago and I'm still trying to put my life back together from the damage this person caused.
When Tom deployed, I didn't handle it very well at all. It wasn't just that they deployed him on our anniversary, or the day before Lana's birthday, it was that he wasnt HERE. It was a major shock to me. He had been gone before so I thought I'd be used to it. I was no where near prepared for what it was really like to have the man I married, the man I pledged my life too, not sharing a bed with me for a whole year. I literally shut down. I didn't clean, barley did anything with my kids. I just went through the motions to make sure they're most basic needs were met. I had trouble sleeping at night, so I didn't do much of that, which means when I did sleep I overslept so Lana missed a ton of school. I found out much later that this was caused by a form of depression that causes me to shut down and give up when I get overwhelmed, but I didn't know that at the time.
One of my neighbors (I'll never really know who), took it upon themselves to report me to DSS (Social Services) for neglecting my children. The following year was absolute hell for my family and myself. I came very close to losing my children. I had to have a psych evaluation (which is how we found out about the depression), Lana even had to have one! We found out she has Generalized Anxiety Disorder with features of depression, at 6! The therapist said it was partly caused by my not being able to support her and be there for her the way I should've been. They ended up sending Tom home from Iraq 2 months early. Of course he was furious with me for screwing up so badly and I don't blame him. It came very close to ending my marriage. We ended up in court where I had to admit everything publically and it's now on public record until Connor is 18. I still have DSS checking up on me once a month. Which is alot of the reason I'm so crazy about my housework.
Tom was told by his command, that because of this, we had to move a family member in to help out. So we moved his father in, I wasn't thrilled about this decision but I knew it was neccessary to fix what I had broken. Apparently there was some request form we were supposed to fill out with the military to approve this "guest" that we didn't know about so we didn't do it. Well again, one of my neighbors (probably the same one...who knows) reported us to the housing department for having an "unauthorized guest". So now we have them on our back trying to evict us.
If this person whoever turned me in, had just come and checked on me, offered to help rather than taking it upon themselves to judge me....NONE of this would've happened. We wouldn't have eviction swinging over our heads, I wouldn't have DSS knocking on my door once a month, and my marriage wouldn't have been in shambles, leaving me unsure as to whether or not it could be saved. And most importantly I wouldn't be constantly paranoid and afraid that someone was going to walk in here and take my children from me every second of every day. All of this because ONE person decided to judge me before they really knew me or my situation. So please, please, PLEASE be careful when you judge another person, there could be ALOT more going on than you really know. I try really hard not to judge other people before I know them, but even I admit I'm guilty of it from time to time. Fact of life I guess......
There's SO much more I could write on that topic and what's happened to me. But remembering what I went through is making me tear up now. To think that people out there are so cruel and heartless that they feel the need to try to ruin someone else's life just because they don't like them for whatever reason........Anyway, I'm changing the subject.
Last night, Tom had Staff Duty. Basically all he does is goes and sits at a desk and waits for the phone to ring all night. Anyway he comes home last night for dinner break and hands me a paper from the housing people that own our house thingy....for once it was good news! The contract that the place we live at now with the military ends in September and all these houses are going to turn into private rentals. We were waiting to see what the new rent was goin to be before we decided if we were going to move or not ( before all this housing crap started). Well, we got that letter yesterday. The rent is not going to change and the new landlord will continue to pay all utilities. This means that if we stay here, absolutly nothing will change. So Tom and I spent his hour dinner break talking about our options. And I think we've decided that we're going to TRY to hold the military housing off until the contract ends in September and we can sign the new lease October 1st. If we can do that, we'll put his dad on the lease and we'll be covered. And free of all this beaurocratic military bullshit we're going through now. Please guys, please pray that for once, this works out the way we want it to. I don't know how many more blows I can take. These brick walls are really starting to hurt.
That's all for today, enjoy your weekend!
Louise
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
It's Wednesday
Yep, it's Hump day again! My kids have been on vacation all week and I'm half gray already lol. They go back on Monday thank god they are driving me insane! Lana has this friend at school, and her mother sent a note home with her phone number to set up a playdate. Lana drives me nuts everyday wantin to go over to this little girls house. So I try to call this girls mother and she won't return my call. How rude!
I went to the dr last week. It was my post op appointment after my surgery. He told me that the pain I was feeling was normal. He said the stones were bigger than he thought they were originally so he had to make a bigger incision on the inside. He told me to start easing back into my normal routine. So last weekend I shampooed my entire house from top to bottom lol.
Alot of you know that I like to play with pictures. Well, I've gotten so good that I'm doing my kids school pictures myself to save a few bucks, as you know we REALLY need the money. Lana's school does pictures twice a year. So I did they're fall pictures in October, and yesterday I took they're spring pictures. I have to say this round of pictures came out SO much better than the last round! I'll post them at the bottom of this post.
It's been a month since we lost Ma. I can't beleive it. It feels like she just called me the other day. It's starting to hit Tom too, I mentioned this lilac air freshener we have, Lilac was Ma's favorite scent. He got emotional, I found him in the hallway crying. It broke my heart but I knew he needed it. He hasn't cried since she died.
The army figured out they've been overpaying Tom. He was getting deployment pay up until about 2 months ago. So now they're taking so much out of his check each month until it's paid back. This is NOT the time for them to do this, but there's not much we can do about it. I've been talking to Tom about me going back to work, but right now there's no way I can. I'm sure we'll figure it out, we always do.
Short one I know, but i couldn't think of what to write lol there hasn't really been much goin on. Until next time guys!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Good Morning!
Good morning world! It's Thursday, one day closer to Friday! Not that it matters to me I don't work outside the home lol. Lana's school has a half day today and tomorrow then she's off all next week. I kept her out today because I have a doctors appointment this morning and I'll have no one here to get her off the bus, of course Tom couldn't get time off so when he comes home for morning break my father in law is going to have to take him back so he can have the car to drive me to the doctor. It's so frustrating not having a license. I keep asking Tom to take me to the DMV so I can find out what I gotta do to get my license back, but he keeps saying he's too busy at work. Oh well, I'll get there someday. I already know they're going to want a ton of money that I don't have right now anyway.
As far as my surgery, I think I'm healing ok. I was havin some bad pain yesterday, the small area around my belly button felt like I had just had my surgery like 3 days ago instead of 2 weeks ago. And ever since my surgery I've been having pains in my side. At least I go to the doctor today so I can find out if this stuff is normal. It could be me exaggerating things a little. It's no secret that I have a pretty low pain threshold. My mother was relieved that my kids were born C-section, she said I couldn't handle being in labor for hours LOL. She's probably right, I complain about every little thing that hurts.
I met Lana's "boyfriend" yesterday lol. I had to pick her up from school because she had an appointment with her therapist. So we're walking down the hallway and she's introducing me to all of her classmates. We walk past this little boy and she says "by the way Mommy, this is Matthew." He looks up at me and says "I have a Spiderman umbrella." LOL!
Last night, I made the very hard decision to sell my Ipod Touch. Now everyone who knows me knows I love this thing. I've wanted one since they came out and Tom got it for me for Christmas. But, we definatly need the extra money right now and my phone does the exact same thing with a bigger memory. I made a deal with Ej, my brother, and he's gonna buy it as a "loan with collateral" as he put it. If I ever want it back I just gotta give him the money back. I feel a little bit better knowing it's going to family but still upsetting when you have to do something like that. I really wish we could hit the lottery but I know there's as much chance of that as there is of me becomming the Queen of England LOL!
Well that's all for today, I'm out of coffee and cigarettes so I can't be creative lol. Everyone enjoy your day!
Louise
As far as my surgery, I think I'm healing ok. I was havin some bad pain yesterday, the small area around my belly button felt like I had just had my surgery like 3 days ago instead of 2 weeks ago. And ever since my surgery I've been having pains in my side. At least I go to the doctor today so I can find out if this stuff is normal. It could be me exaggerating things a little. It's no secret that I have a pretty low pain threshold. My mother was relieved that my kids were born C-section, she said I couldn't handle being in labor for hours LOL. She's probably right, I complain about every little thing that hurts.
I met Lana's "boyfriend" yesterday lol. I had to pick her up from school because she had an appointment with her therapist. So we're walking down the hallway and she's introducing me to all of her classmates. We walk past this little boy and she says "by the way Mommy, this is Matthew." He looks up at me and says "I have a Spiderman umbrella." LOL!
Last night, I made the very hard decision to sell my Ipod Touch. Now everyone who knows me knows I love this thing. I've wanted one since they came out and Tom got it for me for Christmas. But, we definatly need the extra money right now and my phone does the exact same thing with a bigger memory. I made a deal with Ej, my brother, and he's gonna buy it as a "loan with collateral" as he put it. If I ever want it back I just gotta give him the money back. I feel a little bit better knowing it's going to family but still upsetting when you have to do something like that. I really wish we could hit the lottery but I know there's as much chance of that as there is of me becomming the Queen of England LOL!
Well that's all for today, I'm out of coffee and cigarettes so I can't be creative lol. Everyone enjoy your day!
Louise
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Clarifying things
Ok so I talked to one of my friends yesterday who informed me that she's been reading my blogs. YAY! At least I know I'm not talking to myself lol. Anyway she mentioned something to me that really got me to thinking, and I'd like to take today's post to clarify some things.
She had said that my blogs sounded like I'm miserable with Tom. And while yes, we do have ALOT of problems, probably more than any one person should put up with. That's not completly the case. No, I'm not exactly happy with my situation, I wish he would listen to my opinions more and consider my feelings when making decisions more yes. However, I do still love him with everything that I am, and I do feel that while he has his faults, he still loves me and wants to care for me. I hate that he makes decisions without consulting me, I hate that he doesnt seem to consider my feelings in things. However, at the same time, he does do alot to make sure I'm happy and content.
For starters, that movie I mentioned that he got for me. We didn't exactly have the money for it, we're still trying to play catch up from our unexpected trip home. But he still got it for me because he knew I wanted it. I've been on this sweet kick latley, always craving something sweet. Well last night was no different. So I go out to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. He asks me not to so we can save the milk for the kids. I get frustrated, put the cereal back and walk into the living room to start reading my book again. A few minutes later, he comes in and places a bowl of oatmeal in front of me that he put chocolate kisses, brown sugar, and french vanilla creamer in. A small gesture but still sweet.
I may complain about him alot, but what couple doesnt have issues? However, this friend also knows alot more about my marriage than I'd ever dare to put in my blog. So she may be speaking out of experience but I want you all to know, just because I'm not exactly happy, doesn't mean I don't love him and want to stay. I may keep my mouth shut to him about alot of stuff that bothers me, that's because I don't want to fight again. And I know I shouldn't do that, but alot of our problems I don't want to discuss in front of his father and he's ALWAYS here.
His father is alot of our problems. He doesn't like me, I don't like him. And it's not that either one of us has done anything new wrong, I think it's just leftover resentment from North Carolina. I don't think we'll ever get over it and be able to truly like each other again. But we have learned to tolerate each other and at least be civil. Am I thrilled that he's living here? No. Did I want him to move in in the first place? Hell no! But at the time, I didn't have a choice and alot of you reading this know why. Someday I'll tell you the story....but not today. Either way, he's here, I can't change that and right now I don't want to. Tom just lost his mother, I'm not about to take his father away too. Right now he needs him.
So, when your reading my blogs and I'm complaining about Tom, something I'd like you to think about while your reading. I may not have the happiest marriage in the world, but it's not the unhappiest either. It works for us, which is probably why I'll never leave, and neither will he.
Get out and enjoy the sunshine!
Louise
She had said that my blogs sounded like I'm miserable with Tom. And while yes, we do have ALOT of problems, probably more than any one person should put up with. That's not completly the case. No, I'm not exactly happy with my situation, I wish he would listen to my opinions more and consider my feelings when making decisions more yes. However, I do still love him with everything that I am, and I do feel that while he has his faults, he still loves me and wants to care for me. I hate that he makes decisions without consulting me, I hate that he doesnt seem to consider my feelings in things. However, at the same time, he does do alot to make sure I'm happy and content.
For starters, that movie I mentioned that he got for me. We didn't exactly have the money for it, we're still trying to play catch up from our unexpected trip home. But he still got it for me because he knew I wanted it. I've been on this sweet kick latley, always craving something sweet. Well last night was no different. So I go out to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. He asks me not to so we can save the milk for the kids. I get frustrated, put the cereal back and walk into the living room to start reading my book again. A few minutes later, he comes in and places a bowl of oatmeal in front of me that he put chocolate kisses, brown sugar, and french vanilla creamer in. A small gesture but still sweet.
I may complain about him alot, but what couple doesnt have issues? However, this friend also knows alot more about my marriage than I'd ever dare to put in my blog. So she may be speaking out of experience but I want you all to know, just because I'm not exactly happy, doesn't mean I don't love him and want to stay. I may keep my mouth shut to him about alot of stuff that bothers me, that's because I don't want to fight again. And I know I shouldn't do that, but alot of our problems I don't want to discuss in front of his father and he's ALWAYS here.
His father is alot of our problems. He doesn't like me, I don't like him. And it's not that either one of us has done anything new wrong, I think it's just leftover resentment from North Carolina. I don't think we'll ever get over it and be able to truly like each other again. But we have learned to tolerate each other and at least be civil. Am I thrilled that he's living here? No. Did I want him to move in in the first place? Hell no! But at the time, I didn't have a choice and alot of you reading this know why. Someday I'll tell you the story....but not today. Either way, he's here, I can't change that and right now I don't want to. Tom just lost his mother, I'm not about to take his father away too. Right now he needs him.
So, when your reading my blogs and I'm complaining about Tom, something I'd like you to think about while your reading. I may not have the happiest marriage in the world, but it's not the unhappiest either. It works for us, which is probably why I'll never leave, and neither will he.
Get out and enjoy the sunshine!
Louise
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Back!!!!
Yep, I was gone for a few days...Easter weekend and everything. Hope everyones holiday was safe and happy.
Nothing overly eventful happened over the weekend. We went to an Easter Egg hunt at my friends house the kids had a BLAST. So, we get down to my friends house, the kids had they're baskets all ready. First we had cookie and cupcake decorating. That was so much fun lol. Connor ended up COVERED in 
green icing. 
green icing. 
Then we went outside for the egg hunt. Lana was more wrapped up in playing with her best friend, and Connor kept giving his eggs away lol. But at least they had fun. I couldn't stay as long as I wanted to though. Unfortunatly, my side started to hurt and I had to come home and rest. Since my surgery I've been having these pains in my side, like my lower side in the back. It gets worse if I overdo it. I'm trying to avoid calling the dr I have an appointment on Thursday morning anyway.
In case you guys don't know, Tom and I are extremly into wrestling. It's sort of a ritual of ours that we watch it every Monday night. Well, last night we were watching wrestling when he all of a sudden gets up and hands me his cell phone. Of course I asked why, I have a perfectly good cell phone. He then tells me that our friends are going to be calling to give him an answer about dog sitting they're dog for 2 weeks. Said he talked to them about it earlier that afternoon......yet he forgot to mention it to me. So now we're dog sitting a little chiuahua with a heart murmer for the next two weeks. On top of our dog and 3 cats. Plus the 2 kids and 2 men I have to clean up after when I'm still supposed to be taking it easy.
Luckily, the dog is very sweet and well behaved. He wants to keep the dog when our friends are shipped to Germany for 3 years! As of right now, I'm saying no because we still have to move. But I'm sure when the time comes, we're going to end up with an extra dog. He never really pays too much attention to my opinions....at least that's how it feels most times. Maybe when I go to North Carolina I won't come back. I say that alot, but I probably won't follow through with it. I never do.
So now, I'm off to do my housework. I'll probably end up doing way more than I'm supposed to, but it has to be done, I don't have much of a choice. I'm tired of my house looking like a tornado went through it. Til next time enjoy your day!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Yesterday......(so funny!)
I know I promised yesterday I'd tell more funny stories today...and that's exactly what I'm going to do so listen up!
As you guys know, my daughter Lana, is 6 years old. And she comes out with things that I just can't help but laugh at. Yesterday was no exception. She comes home from school and we're doing the usual afternoon routines, getting her snack going through her bookbag, you parents know the drill. She then looks at me and says "Mommy, I have something to show you. I know you hate pink but look at it anyway." I giggle as she pulls this tube of pink lip gloss that one of her classmates had given her, puts some on her finger and wipes it all over my face and says "Mommy! You look beautiful!" I actually looked like a clown but hey, the things we do to make our kids laugh right? Then she says "Do you know who I love?" I said "Mommy?" she says "No, Matthew, and he's gonna be my boyfriend forever and we're going to get married." At this point I'm struggling to keep a straight face while talkin on Skype with Sue (my best friend in Pennsylvania). I say "Married huh? Well, congratulations." A few minutes later she comes back and puts her hands on her hips lookin like a little diva and says, "Mommy, where's your wedding dress?" I said "It's in the closet in the front room." She looks at me with a very serious face and says "Well, get it for me! I'm getting married you know!" I couldn't help it, I lost it laughing hysterically. She then tells me that she wants me to be the flower girl and Sue to be the minister. So Sue, if your reading this....I can't wait to hear what your going to say at the ceremony! LOL.
My son Connor then comes up to me and informs me that Lana is getting married because he wants spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, what one has to do with the other I'll never know...but it works for them I guess lol. A little while later, I'm cookin dinner (Spaghetti cuz that's what Connor wanted lol), when Tom comes home. The kids do they're usual rushing down the hallway to meet Daddy (I think that's his favorite part of the day). And Lana pipes up with "Daddy guess what! I'm getting married!" He dropped his pack, looked at Lana and said "I want his name, address and phone number so I can talk to him." She said "No Daddy, you can't hurt him I love him." LMAO!
Speaking of Daddy, Tom did the most amazing thing for me yesterday! I'm really into the Twilight series, as millions of people are. And I've been telling Tom forever that when New Moon came out on DVD I wanted it just for the special features. He kept telling me that it was pointless to buy the DVD since I already had the movie on my computer and I've seen it 3 or 4 times (I even got him to sit and watch it with me once which is amazing because he hates how vampires are protrayed in the series). But I still wanted it. Well yesterday, he comes home for lunch (something he almost never does), and hands me a package from the mailbox. I open the package and inside is the New Moon 2 disc special edition DVD! I was shocked. It's a little thing but SO sweet of him. That's how he is, if I even look like I might want something, whether I say I do or not, he'll get it for me as long as we can afford it.
That got me thinking, Tom loves the Highlander movies. Connor is actually named after Connor McCloud from the movie. His birthday is in August, and he'll be in Georgia training at that time. I'm thinking I'm going to get them for him and have them sent there while he's gone to suprise him. I feel like, for some reason, the past few days has been like a turning point for us. He's been more attentive, actually comming to bed with me, and now this movie thing. I feel like we're in a good place right now and I love it.
Ok, on to my blast from the past. I'm going to tell you about the day Connor was born, actually that night after everyone had gone from the hospital. Tom was only able to stay with me the first night this time as we had Lana at this point. Connor was born by c-section as well, only because the dr's wouldnt let me have him the natural way. Anyway, that night after everyone had gone home from they're ooohing and ahhhing and giving me congratulations and stuff, Tom and I decided to get some sleep. About 3 am, I heard the baby crying and Tom got up to change his diaper and get his bottle ready. I open my eyes to watch him, I love watching him with the first diaper. He was a seasoned pro by now, but had never changed a boys' diaper before. So I'm watching him go through the motions half asleep when all of a sudden he jumps back like something startled him. I said "what's the matter honey? Is the baby ok?" He finishes the diaper, gets the bottle and hands me the baby saying "Yep, and his sprinkler system works great too!" LOL!
That's my story for the day, off to finish the school thing and stuff! Until we speak again enjoy your life in the sunshine!
Louise
As you guys know, my daughter Lana, is 6 years old. And she comes out with things that I just can't help but laugh at. Yesterday was no exception. She comes home from school and we're doing the usual afternoon routines, getting her snack going through her bookbag, you parents know the drill. She then looks at me and says "Mommy, I have something to show you. I know you hate pink but look at it anyway." I giggle as she pulls this tube of pink lip gloss that one of her classmates had given her, puts some on her finger and wipes it all over my face and says "Mommy! You look beautiful!" I actually looked like a clown but hey, the things we do to make our kids laugh right? Then she says "Do you know who I love?" I said "Mommy?" she says "No, Matthew, and he's gonna be my boyfriend forever and we're going to get married." At this point I'm struggling to keep a straight face while talkin on Skype with Sue (my best friend in Pennsylvania). I say "Married huh? Well, congratulations." A few minutes later she comes back and puts her hands on her hips lookin like a little diva and says, "Mommy, where's your wedding dress?" I said "It's in the closet in the front room." She looks at me with a very serious face and says "Well, get it for me! I'm getting married you know!" I couldn't help it, I lost it laughing hysterically. She then tells me that she wants me to be the flower girl and Sue to be the minister. So Sue, if your reading this....I can't wait to hear what your going to say at the ceremony! LOL.
My son Connor then comes up to me and informs me that Lana is getting married because he wants spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, what one has to do with the other I'll never know...but it works for them I guess lol. A little while later, I'm cookin dinner (Spaghetti cuz that's what Connor wanted lol), when Tom comes home. The kids do they're usual rushing down the hallway to meet Daddy (I think that's his favorite part of the day). And Lana pipes up with "Daddy guess what! I'm getting married!" He dropped his pack, looked at Lana and said "I want his name, address and phone number so I can talk to him." She said "No Daddy, you can't hurt him I love him." LMAO!
Speaking of Daddy, Tom did the most amazing thing for me yesterday! I'm really into the Twilight series, as millions of people are. And I've been telling Tom forever that when New Moon came out on DVD I wanted it just for the special features. He kept telling me that it was pointless to buy the DVD since I already had the movie on my computer and I've seen it 3 or 4 times (I even got him to sit and watch it with me once which is amazing because he hates how vampires are protrayed in the series). But I still wanted it. Well yesterday, he comes home for lunch (something he almost never does), and hands me a package from the mailbox. I open the package and inside is the New Moon 2 disc special edition DVD! I was shocked. It's a little thing but SO sweet of him. That's how he is, if I even look like I might want something, whether I say I do or not, he'll get it for me as long as we can afford it.
That got me thinking, Tom loves the Highlander movies. Connor is actually named after Connor McCloud from the movie. His birthday is in August, and he'll be in Georgia training at that time. I'm thinking I'm going to get them for him and have them sent there while he's gone to suprise him. I feel like, for some reason, the past few days has been like a turning point for us. He's been more attentive, actually comming to bed with me, and now this movie thing. I feel like we're in a good place right now and I love it.
Ok, on to my blast from the past. I'm going to tell you about the day Connor was born, actually that night after everyone had gone from the hospital. Tom was only able to stay with me the first night this time as we had Lana at this point. Connor was born by c-section as well, only because the dr's wouldnt let me have him the natural way. Anyway, that night after everyone had gone home from they're ooohing and ahhhing and giving me congratulations and stuff, Tom and I decided to get some sleep. About 3 am, I heard the baby crying and Tom got up to change his diaper and get his bottle ready. I open my eyes to watch him, I love watching him with the first diaper. He was a seasoned pro by now, but had never changed a boys' diaper before. So I'm watching him go through the motions half asleep when all of a sudden he jumps back like something startled him. I said "what's the matter honey? Is the baby ok?" He finishes the diaper, gets the bottle and hands me the baby saying "Yep, and his sprinkler system works great too!" LOL!
That's my story for the day, off to finish the school thing and stuff! Until we speak again enjoy your life in the sunshine!
Louise
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