Clarifying things

Ok so I talked to one of my friends yesterday who informed me that she's been reading my blogs. YAY! At least I know I'm not talking to myself lol. Anyway she mentioned something to me that really got me to thinking, and I'd like to take today's post to clarify some things.

She had said that my blogs sounded like I'm miserable with Tom. And while yes, we do have ALOT of problems, probably more than any one person should put up with. That's not completly the case. No, I'm not exactly happy with my situation, I wish he would listen to my opinions more and consider my feelings when making decisions more yes. However, I do still love him with everything that I am, and I do feel that while he has his faults, he still loves me and wants to care for me. I hate that he makes decisions without consulting me, I hate that he doesnt seem to consider my feelings in things. However, at the same time, he does do alot to make sure I'm happy and content.

For starters, that movie I mentioned that he got for me. We didn't exactly have the money for it, we're still trying to play catch up from our unexpected trip home. But he still got it for me because he knew I wanted it. I've been on this sweet kick latley, always craving something sweet. Well last night was no different. So I go out to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. He asks me not to so we can save the milk for the kids. I get frustrated, put the cereal back and walk into the living room to start reading my book again. A few minutes later, he comes in and places a bowl of oatmeal in front of me that he put chocolate kisses, brown sugar, and french vanilla creamer in. A small gesture but still sweet.

I may complain about him alot, but what couple doesnt have issues? However, this friend also knows alot more about my marriage than I'd ever dare to put in my blog. So she may be speaking out of experience but I want you all to know, just because I'm not exactly happy, doesn't mean I don't love him and want to stay. I may keep my mouth shut to him about alot of stuff that bothers me, that's because I don't want to fight again. And I know I shouldn't do that, but alot of our problems I don't want to discuss in front of his father and he's ALWAYS here.

His father is alot of our problems. He doesn't like me, I don't like him. And it's not that either one of us has done anything new wrong, I think it's just leftover resentment from North Carolina. I don't think we'll ever get over it and be able to truly like each other again. But we have learned to tolerate each other and at least be civil. Am I thrilled that he's living here? No. Did I want him to move in in the first place? Hell no! But at the time, I didn't have a choice and alot of you reading this know why. Someday I'll tell you the story....but not today. Either way, he's here, I can't change that and right now I don't want to. Tom just lost his mother, I'm not about to take his father away too. Right now he needs him.

So, when your reading my blogs and I'm complaining about Tom, something I'd like you to think about while your reading. I may not have the happiest marriage in the world, but it's not the unhappiest either. It works for us, which is probably why I'll never leave, and neither will he.

Get out and enjoy the sunshine!
Louise